Psychology of Criticism II



Good day and thanks for joining us again on Life and Success Management.

Last week we learnt that:

  • Criticisms are neither constructive nor destructive, responses are;
  • Criticisms can be mature or immature;
  •  Immature criticisms are self-centered and does not seek to understand the criticized;
  •  Matured criticism seeks to help and protect someone other than the critic or at least seeks to  understand the criticized view-point
  • Criticizing someone just because you are in physical or emotional pain is immature.

We all need to guard ourselves of the fire-for-fire approach to criticism. Your aim, when hurt or embarrassed by criticism is not to hurt the critic. What will you gain by hurting someone who criticized you? Does is it remove the effect of the criticism? No! It only opens doors for more offensive criticism(s) especially when the first was not intended to harm (that is, not immature). Your goal should be to use the criticism to your own advantage and that of others.
Please note: the fact that you are hurt or embarrassed by a criticism doesn’t make that the purpose of the criticism. No matter how kind the critic is in expressing his/her view, you may still FEEL hurt or embarrassed. We all need to learn that we are not the same as our feelings, that feelings are very unreliable when it comes to decision-making and that acting against our feelings is, sometimes, a sign of maturity.

RESPONDING TO CRITICISMS
How do I react to criticisms? Keep quiet or fight hard? There are times when keeping quiet is necessary and there are other times when it is disastrous. It depends on the type of criticism (mature or immature), the area of impact of the criticism and the people it affects.
Response to Immature Criticism


If your action or inaction causes someone else pain (emotional or physical) and you are criticized – whether mature or immature – be kind enough to understand and recognize the pain. That is not time for lecture!

For example, a man was unusually late coming home and the wife got really worried. She expected his call but nothing came. After a while, she decided to make the call but he didn’t respond neither did he call back (because he couldn’t, not that he didn’t want to). The wife got so worried and so angry that when the man finally arrived, she was not kind enough to ask about what happened. Instead, she criticized the husband for being very insensitive.
That is not the time for the husband to get angry and criticize the wife for being insensitive too. He should understand what the woman must have gone through and comfort her. When she is calm, he can then explain what happened politely.
If however the person who felt the pain doesn’t care what you have to say after attempts of trying to show understanding and you don’t have anything to lose in the relationship (e.g. you are the boss who fired an employee), ignore the critic.

Immature Criticism Against Your Assignment?
If an immature criticism is launched against your assignment in life or purpose for making a decision, you cannot afford to respond in an immature way but don’t keep quiet either! Even if the critic is not interested in your response, those who your assignment is meant for needs to hear your balanced view of the situation. The same goes for those you are accountable to. If you consider it important to keep quiet, be sure you have a “all-knowing” information about the consequence of the quietness. And that is not possible except God is the one who told you to be quiet and you are sure He did.

RESPONDING TO MATURE CRITICISM

Our responses to a mature criticism should be the same as to a criticism against our assignments or purposes except that we should be open to correction. Even if the criticism makes us feel hurt or embarrassed, we should be willing to accept it as a counsel.
The following are appropriate response to such criticisms:

  • Appreciate the critic(s)

  • Acknowledge your mistake(s) if any

  • State your next line of action if indicated
  • Sincerely act accordingly
Thank you for reading. Hope this helped you in some ways. I'll appreciate your feedback and comments.
Till next week, stay on top of situations.

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